Archive for the ‘whining’ Category

Out of synch

Saturday, February 23rd, 2013

So another day and another missed posting. I realize I’m only trying to show myself that I can type into a box once every twenty-four hours (which is a different goal than writing). All of yesterday felt off.

It started with a four a.m. dog walk for a suddenly not well puppy. (I’ve deleted the details.) She slept through last night very well, but the day was full of worry, out-of-character personality, and enough bodily fluids to consider whether taking her to the ER was wiser than waiting until today. (We opted for today. She does not appear to be in any discomfort.) I know I am abnormally attached to my dogs, but I understand life is finite and unexpected things can happen. This seems like a passing thing, or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

The second not typical thing about yesterday was my working from home and a work field trip to Stitches West. I was showing a knitting newbie the overwhelming-ness of a trade show cum massive yarny pop-up in Santa Clara. It was great to see Kristine and Adrienne (and mom Michelle) from A Verb For Keeping Warm. Of course I hung out (always too briefly) with Debbi at the BMFA booth (my stomping ground for a year). And I got to meet Jeanne and Julie from CreativeBug and hear how the sock knitting flash mob we put on was included in their investor presentations. It’s impossible to do a quick drive-by at Stitches, but we had to rush back to the City because work email and network servers were going to be shut off at 4pm. So much for working from home through the night.

Discombobulated is a better description of me and time yesterday. The unsettled anxiety about a four-legged friend haunted me. The rampant consumerism combined with the joyful gathering of kindred spirits is dizzying. (I could write at length on my ethical conflicts of stash hoarding.) The ever-present stress of work and the whispering (oft-neglected) call of personal passion projects tore me from being present.

There’s no easy fix, but I can’t help but think this could be helped with a simple scamper. I’ve fallen completely off my training plan for the past two weeks, save last Saturday. It’s more fuel for my head’s nagging negative fire. (See, you still can’t train properly! You’re lazy.) An hour or two pounding myself out of my brain and into my body could be a step toward the grounding that was missing yesterday.

But now it’s Saturday. An new day. A vet visit. A return to Stitches for after-hours communion with a few friends. And maybe a run.

This space left blank intentionally

Thursday, February 21st, 2013

The day switched into tomorrow without a moment set aside to type. A pet peeve of mine is complaining about not writing, yet it seems to be a crutch of late. My whole schedule needs to be reconsidered. I come home too late and too grumpy from the office that all I have room for is some leftover pizza and Dance Moms. Runs have been skipped for at least two weeks. Knitting wasn’t touched for days on end. Rut would be an understatement, but I’m in it.

Skipped not scampered

Sunday, February 17th, 2013

I chose not to scamper today. I was supposed to do 18 miles. After skipping last week’s 16, I really could have used the three-hours on my feet. It’s all investment in the mileage bank to pay off at the end of April. True to form, I’ve never shown up to a race overtrained.

Trying to be at peace with this choice. I enjoyed the yummy breakfast I had with Sonya. I am happy I could knit a bit and watch some TV. I find it freeing that we got grocery shopping and laundry done, so tomorrow’s day off can be super relaxing.

Will I curse this skipped run on marathon day? Nope. I’ll show up at the start with the training I have completed. Plus, the experience of a chill weekend. You can’t cram for a marathon. It is what it is.

But next week…

Two months…

Friday, February 15th, 2013

…of typing something. Most often, nothing.

Time’s up

Sunday, February 10th, 2013

Weekend is over.

Time’s up

Wednesday, February 6th, 2013

I need to accept that I only really have time to do one thing a day. The way I have structured my life lately, I wake up, perhaps run, work, eat dinner and then go to bed. My runs are the one piece of additional activity I’ve odds on the past eight months. If I had my druthers, I’d stay in bed with the doggies longer, but, clearly, that’s not a well-rounded life.

The almost-midnight typing into this phone don’t count as writing. There’s rarely time set aside for reading. And I can’t remember how many days it’s been since I knit. What about being social, writing letters, responding to personal email, cooking, meditation, drawing and yoga? I need to track down (hunt and kill) more time to do more important things.

Too little, too late

Monday, February 4th, 2013

As in I have too little to say anything here and it’s far too late to make something up.

Plus I’m grumpy.

Staring at a phone screen at emails that can wait until tomorrow does not make my life richer. Boundaries wanted.

Habit forming

Thursday, January 31st, 2013

I can squeeze in a second post today just for the sake of saying I post about once a day, but what if I have nothing to say? It’s the last day of January and I can hold my head up high knowing ice posted approximately every day for over six weeks now. That’s a habit, right?

Can I quit now?

Words escape me

Friday, January 25th, 2013

I’ve been in and out of my work’s blog so often today that I find myself at a loss for things to type here. I was going to post a cute dog photo with a caption that I was all ears, but that felt a bit lazy. (Would still love to hear from anyone!) What to share?

If you don’t have anything to say… there’s nothing I could say about the speaker on happiness I saw this morning. As much as I scoff at it, I’ve seen a few gems coming out of Alt Summit that make me feel, I’ll say it, inspired. But I’m not there, and sharing 140 characters of hearsay doesn’t seem worthwhile. Although I’m pretty sure Sagmeister’s happiness chat may have been more focused and useful.

Last night’s late night writing annual goals (for work—you think I’m anywhere near that organized in my personal life?) is taking its toll. I need to join the snoring masses upstairs. Bread dough prep and deeper thoughts will just have to wait until tomorrow.

Muddling along

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

I arrived to work at 9am and everyone was standing outside. It was a false alarm of the building’s security system, not a fire drill as we thought. Other people took pictures on Instagram, but I couldn’t be bothered. You’ve seen groups of people standing in the glaring morning sunlight in an alley. It went on from there.

The day felt like a giant false start: coming back from a sick day and getting caught up. Sporadic sneezing, still sniffling and tons o’ tea. I’m better, but not best yet.

Despite highlights of a delicious lunch with a lovely lady from HelloLucky and a successful code release to the stage environment, I still feel like it was a day of running in place.

Something that would typically make me happy (booking a trip for a conference) has me a bit deflated. It ends on my birthday, and I really don’t want to wake up in Vegas on the day I turn 40. Alas.

Also, I was eating dinner solo so I grabbed takeout from the nearby vegan place has a lemongrass broth veggie noodle bucket. It seemed like a good idea, but it was just meh. So much so that I added soft-cooked eggs and sriatcha. Still unremarkable. Pardon the whining. I fully understand that things could be a lot worse.

Now, bed beckons. Perhaps tomorrow will see a breakthrough or at least a lifting of this cold’s dulling fog? It would be nice to go out for a run too. A little shake-me-up-before-you-go-go?

Something&#m153;anything™to be a little kick in the pants.