I’m starting this without a title because I have no idea where it will meander. It’s before 9am and I haven’t had coffee, but I figured it’s rare that I think about writing before the end of the day so I may as well seize this opportunity. C is out taking pictures. Janie is still sleeping upstairs. Dough is rising. the Pet Shop Boys are singing, “Send Me an Email That Says I Love You.” Thoughts are reeling.
Two things set the morning in motion.
I woke up from a dream about work. No surprise. It’s all my mind seems to have room for lately. The dream dealt with the agency who’s doing our site redesign and a colleague. It ended with them disappointing us, me feeling trapped by our contract, and no hope for a solution. Vague, I know, but that’s all the detail you’re going to get. The stress i felt when I woke up was real enough. I was relieved it was just a dream, but I felt cheated of a night of sleep. Sunday mornings aren’t supposed to be agitated and questioning what really just happened.
And, like that, we’re at the end of the day and I’m in bed post-Mad Men. I didn’t get to compose my thoughts about the second thing: reading about a friend of friends sudden passing on Friday night after being found unconscious by his partner who had just returned from a business trip. It was unclear how long he had been unconscious. I enjoyed his off-color and bitter humor on Twitter and read his blog for years. Not even 31 and a rising career as a DJ to complement his daytime gig as a Virgin Airlines trolley dolly. I’ll miss laughing at his wry observations.
I have no idea how I intended to wrap this post all up, other than a melancholic “life is too short,” but that seems trite. On one hand, I want to see the dream as a sign that I need a change. The other situation makes me want to embrace the joy that I’ve got. We owe it to ourselves to find meaning and grace in the day-to-day. To live is to love hard, laugh with others, create and be inspired by creativity and beauty that’s everywhere. It’s not supposed to hurt all the time. Feel, but don’t fall down the abyss of reaction.
My “off” Sunday reminds me that even though I may not have participated in the marathon, the street far or the food wars bake-off that all took place in my neighborhood today, I am glad they are out there. It’s not as bad as it can seem. I can’t bring Sam back to life, but I can be aware of my staying in my head and missing the big picture.
We’ll see how that helps on Monday.